Morning routine

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I wake up without an alarm after exactly 8 hours of sleep, feeling fully rested and excited to start my day. I immediately get out of bed, drink a glass of water, then go to the bathroom and pee. I then go to the kitchen to prepare a delicious breakfast (toast with eggs, oatmeal, and/or sliced fruits, depending on the day) and a cup of coffee. I sit at my desk and crank out some ideas in a paper notebook (no internet until a few hours after waking, so that I generate my own ideas instead of just regurgitating what I read) while sipping my coffee.

actually, wait, that’s not how any of this works. wrong life. what actually happens is instead:

i wake up to the sound of my morning alarm after 8 hours of sleep. it’s not enough sleep, and i feel groggy. the night before, i had a hunger attack that kept me up until 2:30am and this pushed my bedtime back yet again. i roll over on my belly so i don’t fall back asleep, turn the lamp on (also so that i don’t fall back asleep), and check email and messages on my phone to try to jump start my brain. if i don’t have neck pain, i am lucky. if i don’t have trouble breathing, i am lucky. i lie there for half an hour until i run out of things to do on my phone. i carefully sit up so as to not cause nausea or dizziness. my mouth is extremely dry. i grab the 1/3-full glass of water sitting on my dresser and sip a few times, careful not to choke. i spend 2 seconds worrying again about whether the dry mouth will worsen my teeth and cause painful cavities in the future. i get out of bed, grab my socks and put them on while seated on the bed (balance problems), then walk over to flip the room light on, then walk back to flip the lamp off. i then walk to the window to pull the curtains and open the blinds. if i don’t have anxiety, i am lucky. i go to the bathroom and pee. i then walk back to my room to grab my mug, then walk to the kitchen while wondering how much longer i can stay standing. i start boiling water and while the water is boiling i rinse my mug and open some tea bags (ginger, for motility, and chamomile, for anxiety) and place them in the mug. i also grab a banana and use scissors to cut into the stem so it is easier to peel, because for some reason this godawful illness makes even peeling bananas difficult. the water is boiling. i grab the kettle and pour the water into the mug, then open the kettle lid and pour exactly the amount of water i just used. i then walk back to my room with the tea and the banana. i wonder how much longer i can stay standing. i grab my phone and set a timer for 7 minutes. then i sit down at my desk. i sip some water. i log into my laptop and open google calendar, gmail, and google chat. then i open a another new tab and wonder what i should do. i check discord, then qiaochu’s twitter. i go to roam and copy my daily template and record that i am eating a banana, and then record some symptoms i am experiencing. the tea finishes steeping, so i pull the mug close to me so i don’t accidentally spill hot water over myself, then take the teabags out and place them in a used bowl from last night. i let the tea sit for longer because it is still too hot to drink. i have dry mouth again, and breathing problems too. i worry about what symptoms i will have today. i open my goals spreadsheet and wonder what i should do today.

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